I miss my friends…

In the depths of winter, I usually miss sunshine, summer dresses, and sandals. This year, I can add friends and socializing to this list. I have made a conscious effort through these social distancing months to keep up my friendships and adapt my “normal” socializing to our “new normal,” but my best efforts have gone to the wayside thanks to frigid temperatures. 

Case in point 1: Book Club. This evolved from being in person monthly (for the last 6+ years) to becoming Zoom book club for a couple of months (not great) to evolving to outdoor Book Club (lovely in warmer weather), to no Book Club (it’s too cold). 

Case in point 2: Cocktails and dinners with friends. By the end of last April, Zoom happy hours stopped being fun for me. While outdoor dining and patio cocktailing were the highlight of my summer, I now think of them as an opportunity to “après ski in the city.” Not all of my BFFs are up for this type of frigid entertainment, and even for the bravest, outdoor dining means meals are shorter, and there is no lingering at the bar for four hours. 

I miss my close friends. 

I also miss those friends with whom I have “weak ties,” as explained by Amanda Mull in this recent article in The Atlantic.

I miss Lori, the American Airlines gate agent at the New Orleans airport, with whom I am on a first name basis and who gives the best hugs. I miss Bernard, the bartender and master entertainer at Thunder Burger, whose mimosas are my favorite (a dash of Triple Sec is his secret ingredient). I miss my Sunday football watching friends Liz (Patriots) and Mike (Bills), and Stacy (Eagles) and Jeremy (Steelers). I miss Andy who always greeted me with a huge smile when I walked in to the SoulCycle studio. I only know them by their first names, and I miss them dearly. 

Mull explains this well: “The psychological effects of losing all but our closest ties can be profound. Peripheral connections tether us to the world at large; without them, people sink into the compounding sameness of closed networks. Regular interaction with people outside our inner circle “just makes us feel more like part of a community, or part of something bigger,” Gillian Sandstrom, a social psychologist at the University of Essex, told me. People on the peripheries of our lives introduce us to new ideas, new information, new opportunities, and other new people. If variety is the spice of life, these relationships are the conduit for it.”

As we hopefully return to bars, restaurants, gyms, airports, and each other’s houses over the coming months, I will never take moments with friends, close or not, for granted again. To end on Mull’s words: “As we begin to add people back into our lives, we’ll now know what it’s like to be without them.”

The Hamlet Living Room in Old Town Geneva Switzerland

Home in Geneva

Geneva has always, and I imagine, will always, feel like home. I feel at home in Washington DC, I also feel at home in Louisiana, yet somehow when I land in Geneva I feel like I am in my “first home.” The “special feeling in my stomach when I land” kind of first home. 

For as long as I have been coming home from the US, I have stayed with family. First with my parents (during and early after college), sometimes with my grandma’s, and more recently with my sister Rachel (and her husband and daughter).  

Earlier this year, because of quarantine requirements, I had for the first time to “find a home in my first home.” As my husband and I decided that a ten-day quarantine would be too painful in a hotel, I looked for an AirBnB in my hometown, which seemed oh so very odd. 

The apartment I found looked “corporate” (without anyone’s personal stuff everywhere). The furnishings seemed modern and high end (my favorite). There was a small courtyard (outdoor space seemed essential for sanity during quarantine). The location was the heart of Old Town (where I would dream of living should I ever live in Geneva). Sold! I booked it for our two weeks here in July. And as always, things were meant to be. 

Little did I know the amazing community we would be introduced to. The Hamlet is a family-owned business, which ten years ago was a single apartment in an old townhouse that belonged to Tara and Christoph. The couple decided to renovate the rest of this 18th-century townhouse and create a collection of studios and one- and two-bedroom apartments. The result is 16 unique homes – The Hamlet.  

When you stay in one of The Hamlet apartments, you also have access to a communal space known as The Square, which is comprised of a Library, a Gallery, and an Epicerie. Pretty much all of life’s necessities can be found here – emergency food and drink (think Nespresso coffee, Toblerone, local pasta and sauce); a quiet space to work or conduct meetings (you can even reserve private meeting rooms); and a yoga studio. 

I love the attention to detail and amenities (Kartell-Laufen bathrooms, Aesop bath and body products, strong Wifi that can support simultaneous Zoom calls, twice weekly cleaning service). I love the team, in particular Clarence who makes any special request happen, including an outdoor heater during this winter stay. I love how Tara and Christoph support other local Swiss brands, including most recently QWSTION, a Swiss brand of bags sustainably made from plants. (Spoiler alert: beautiful partnership with Forever Institut coming soon!). 

We discovered this place over the Summer. We are back staying in “our” apartment (Courtyard One) over the Christmas holiday. And I think it is safe to say we will continue to stay here anytime we come back to Geneva beyond any quarantine mandates. Indeed, this has become “our home.” 

(PS – This is not a sponsored blog post – I just love this place that much.) 

Taking stock of 2020, thinking ahead to 2021

The last two weeks of December are a time to take stock of the year that is ending, and to look forward to a new year that is about to begin. I usually make a list of highlights and lowlights for the former, and a list of goals and resolutions for the latter. Sometimes I even partake in goal-setting retreats

This year, I have lacked inspiration. 2020 is consumed with COVID-19, nothing else seems to matter. And planning for 2021 seems pointless as who knows what the world will look like in 2021… 

In a moment of weakness, I asked my husband if we could just skip this favorite tradition of mine of making these lists and sharing them with each other between 12/31 and 1/1. He looked at me in surprise, and said “absolutely not.”

So I had to find tools to help me through my “blahs” and inspire and motivate me to think about 2020 constructively, and plan for 2021 productively. 

Here is what I came up with. 

To take stock of 2020

From Atomic Habits by James Clear, which I loved, I am using these three questions as a guide (and not allowing myself to put down “COVID-19” as the single word answer to that second question): 

  • What went well this year? 
  • What didn’t go so well this year? 
  • What did I learn? 

From Living the Sutras by Kelly DiNardo, I am doing this exercise:  

  • List my big priorities
  • Which do I have to do? Choose to do? Want to do? 
  • For which of these would I like to adjust the intensity of my efforts? (increase or decrease)? 

And to start planning for 2021: 

From John DiJulius, I am using the grid pictured above to start planning for the future. 

This will help me plan for 2021 and maybe even think big towards 2031. This is how he explains the three columns (direct quotes): 

“Column A: Do Now Sell Now – may seem obvious. However, when thoroughly examining all your current inventory of products and services, you can really get creative. For instance, when you package or bundle high margin offerings with low margin, increasing the overcall value and attractiveness to the customer, you can increase sales. 

Column B: STOP DOING – is critical to your survival and usually a blessing most businesses wished they would have done much sooner. You can’t chase every opportunity and need to say “No” to everything that is out of your sweet spot (easy to do + profitable). Easy to do means it has been (or can be) systemized and it requires very little tweaking—a rinse and repeat model. This may mean eliminating products and services that aren’t easy to do and profitable. This may mean losing, some call it firing, a percentage of your customers who aren’t easy to work with, high maintenance, and are not profitable. 

As Seth Godin said during his presentation at this years’ Customer Service Revolution, “Firing an unprofitable group of customers (with kindness and care) allows you to focus on your most profitable customers. You need to focus on customers with high lifetime value.” You can’t scale your operations or in some cases survive during these times by being all things to all people.

Column C: Do Now Sell Later – is where the magic happens. It is where the excitement starts, by figuring out how to totally disrupt yourself and the rest of your industry. What should you be developing now that will allow you to grow 10x faster, revolutionize your business model, and leave everyone else in your industry behind?”

With all this help, with all these tools, I have no excuse to forego this favorite tradition of mine…

Beauty and Rituals in Unprecedented Times

At Book Club earlier this week, my girlfriends and I started comparing notes about the changes in our beauty routines brought about by COVID-19. Mostly, these changes are “minuses” – we are doing less – and DIYs. We are wearing less (or no) makeup. We are wearing extensions (hair and lash) less. We are washing our hair less frequently. We are doing our own pedicures. We are coloring our own hair. We are no longer wearing heels. After all, we are working from home, we are not attending glamorous events, we are not being photographed out, indeed, some of us are not going out at all. We are being seen by so fewer people, despite constant Zoom calls. 

This conversation led to another one – one about what we do (and continue to do) for ourselves, versus what we do for others. And we identified a number of rituals we are sticking to, even though they are seen by no one other than ourselves. 

Many of us still light fragrant candles in our homes. Not because we are inviting people over, but because we love how they smell and they make us happy. 

One of us still buys fresh flowers for her home on a weekly basis. For her own pleasure. This may be something that I need to start doing… 

One of us continues to buy art for her home, despite not hosting her usual fabulous dinner parties. 

Has your beauty routine changed? And which rituals are you sticking to, even though no one sees them?

The Summer of 2020

I am writing this from Greece, more specifically from the Island of Tinos in the Cyclades. I realize how privileged this sentence is in this strange summer of 2020. As I write this, the United States is #1 in total COVID-19 cases and in COVID-19 deaths. My second home, Louisiana, has the highest of COVID-19 cases per capita in the US. Americans are not allowed in European countries – including Greece. And many remain without employment, including so many of my spa and salon friends who are still not allowed to return to their jobs. 

Considering this bleakest of situations back home, it seems surreal to wake up to the blue Aegean, on an island where life seems unchanged since my first visit when I was a child. 

It also seems like gloating. Travel envy is as prevalent these days as Zoom fatigue. I had thus decided not to post anything on social media about my current whereabouts. And then I changed my mind. My friend Kelly reminded me that “people follow you to see your life; it’s not bragging. … Also most of your followers know you vacay in Greece.”   

So instead of pretending I’m not here, I am here. And I want to tell you about my trip. 

My husband and I left the US for Switzerland on July 11. We changed this date twice, and the airline changed our itinerary three times. Finally booked on a flight that would actually happen, we flew from DC and New Orleans (respectively) to Dallas, then to London, then to Geneva. I can travel to Europe as I have a Swiss passport (so Switzerland has to let me in) and a US passport (so the US has to let me return). Edwin can travel with me, with his lone US passport, because we are legally married, and our marriage is properly registered in Switzerland. Having said that, as we were checking in to our international flight from two different cities, just getting his boarding pass printed in New Orleans was a challenge. The system would not let the check-in agent do anything with his US data, until he was able to show a letter from the Swiss Embassy proving our marriage, my record locator proving we were meeting in Dallas and doing the rest of the trip together, and a photo of my Swiss passport proving my double nationality. 

Step 1, checking in. Done. 

Step 2, boarding the DFW-Heathrow flight. We were called by the gate agent prior to boarding and had to show all of our paperwork again. 

Step 3, actually being let in to the EU at Heathrow. At the automatic transit desk, where you usually scan your boarding pass and the light automatically turns green and the gate opens to let you through, we are surprised as instead, the light turns red and makes a loud unpleasant sound. We try again. Same thing. We sheepishly head to the stern-looking lady at the “in person desk.” We show her our boarding passes, including the one from London to Geneva. She types something in her computer. “Are you married?” she asks. Yes, we respond, as I show that prized piece of paper from the Swiss Embassy once again. She looks at it, picks up the phone, and starts explaining something to a superior. In the middle of the conversation, she asks us “You wouldn’t also happen to have a certified copy of your marriage certificate, would you?”. Well, as a matter of fact, yes of course we do (who doesn’t travel with their notarized marriage certificate?). We smile and hand it to her. More conversation with superior. And then, finally, she manually scans our boarding passes. The light turns green, and the gate opens. We are officially on EU soil. 

(Side notes for those considering travel: We wore N95 masks on every plane, and surgical masks in every airport. We had shields with us but neither of us used them. We did not wear protective clothing or glasses.) 

There is nothing further to report until we get to customs in Switzerland. Once again, our marital status is questioned. Once again, the magical Swiss Embassy letter comes in handy. I offer our marriage certificate, but the customs agent nicely says the embassy letter suffices. Before she clears us, she reminds us of the Swiss government mandated ten-day quarantine we are facing upon entry (implemented July 6), and that we must register ourselves with the proper authorities when we arrive at our place of quarantine. Here, my Swiss passport is of no help. I have come from the unfortunate United States of America – and so I too, not just my American husband, must quarantine. 

Indeed, this is why we had to change our travel date to start with. The reason for this trip was first and foremost my sister’s wedding. To be “free” on the 24th, for the rehearsal dinner, we needed to have 10 days (+2 for “just in case”) of quarantine. And quarantine, in Switzerland, well, is very Swiss. We called to register with the Canton (the state of Geneva) as required. Throughout the ten days, we each received two “check in” calls, aka monitoring calls. Were we taking quarantine seriously? (Yes) Had we left our place of residence? (No) And did we have any symptoms? (No). Ten days without leaving the house was a first for me, as it was for Edwin. Luckily, we found the most beautiful AirBNB (with a terrace) to spend these ten days, Courtyard #1 at The Hamlet in the center of Old Town Geneva. Nothing to complain about, other than my inability to go for long runs along the lake as I like to do. 

We made it. We were present at Rachel and Bernard’s ceremony of love and I was able to give my speech. And then, the last leg of the trip was upon us. Zurich to Athens

(Second side note: My father is a medical doctor, and offered to give us COVID-19 tests, with results coming in within 24 hours, at any time during our stay in Geneva. We declined, because we never had any symptoms, and also because we did not know what we would do with the information should this test come back positive.)  

Similarly to our ability to travel to Switzerland, we were allowed to travel to Greece because of my Swiss (and Italian) passport and our married status. We had to fill out an online travel form (the Passenger Locator Form) 48 hours prior to boarding. This included questions such as permanent address, and where we had spent the last 14 days. Based on this questionnaire, upon arrival in Athens, we would be directed either to baggage claim, or to a COVID-19 testing area in the airport. Should the latter happen, we would have to quarantine for 24 hours until our test results came back. Luckily, we were directed to baggage claim (I do believe being able to say that we had spent the last 14 days in Switzerland had much to do with this). 

And then, we were in Greece! Baggage claim, taxi to Rafina, slow ferry to Tinos (no fast ferries are running at this time due to decreased traveler demands). And then, we were in the village of Isternia, my happy place. 

So here I am. A blend of working from home and vacationing in Europe. Life in Europe (specifically Geneva and Tinos), is surprisingly normal. Limited travel offerings (from short airport lines, a closed restaurant at the Zurich airport hotel, the lack of fast ferries) remind me that life is not quite normal. People wearing masks (mandated on public transportation and inside stores in Switzerland, and in the grocery store on Tinos) remind me that life is not quite normal. Yet mostly, people are going about their business. Children are at summer camp or at the beach. Adults are on vacation, on their honeymoons, or working their normal jobs. Is it because summers in Europe are spent outside versus in the air conditioned indoors? Is it because wearing a mask has not become a political statement? 

I cannot help but return to thoughts of my friends at home, some who have lost loved ones to COVID-19, some who are suffering from the disease, many whose businesses are hemorrhaging. I worry about what will happen when school reopens (indeed the news from counties who have begun to reopen are dreadful). I worry about what will happen when unemployment goes up more. I worry about the fall and the holiday season. I do not know why things feel better, more “normal” here. But I do know that we, Americans, can do better. 

Lockdown Numbers

I love numbers. And putting these numbers down on paper was an interesting exercise… 

Number of days sheltering in place (technically in two places): 83

Number of days without airplane travel: 88

Number of scheduled trips cancelled: 14

Number of road trips back and forth between Louisiana and DC: 3 

Number of days since last Alchimie client visit: 87

Number of Zoom meetings: too many to count 

Number of virtual book clubs: 2 

Number of books read: 5 

Number of email newsletters unsubscribed from: 19 

Number of kittens adopted: 2

Number of pounds gained: 0 

Number of Botox appointments: 0 

Number of consecutive days and nights with my husband: 88

*Inspired by my very smart friend Marc Ross!